On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you have to think?

Monday, March 03, 2014

"Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz
...is not something that develops over time.
It is something that happens instantaneously.
It courses through you like the water of a river after a storm,
filling you and emptying you all at once.
You feel it throughout your body, in your hands, in your heart, in your stomach, in your skin.      Have you ever felt this way about somebody? If you have to think about it, you have not felt it. Everyone does eventually. You just never know when or where."                                                                                                                                             - Klaus, Victoria's fiance.
Well,the moderately popular(and very favorite of mine) lines are taken  from a certain sit-com which I'm not gonna name this time..I am surely not. One might seriously think the producers are paying me of some sorts. I have already dedicated a full-fledged blog on it and now this extract. But these lines are one of the finest dialogues ever spoken on television and that too by a character who hardly comes once or twice in a nine year long marathon. Now, moving on to our topic of discussion....
They say you don't have to think before falling in love. . .'cause if you do, chances are it isn't what it seems to be.  When a person is attracted to someone...it just happens, at the blink of an eye or beat of a heart. There's no thinking twice about it. The heart gives you a lump in the throat, lets a few butterflies fly in your stomach and makes your feet and hands as heavy as a rock and this cannot be mistaken for any other physical disability(if any) of yours. Apparently. Each one of us...almost each one of us are well acquainted with the terms, "fling", "infatuation", "crush" etc etc....and these are the very words that dominate a majority of our sexless-teen days and somewhat gives us hope. The hope to find and fall for atleast one such person who will give our lives a great....memorable chapter. A chapter to reckon with for years....
I strongly believe if there's any word synonymous to "love" and even lust, it is spontaneity. And if there's any kind of magnetism between two individuals then it will happen...even before you know it. I have had too many crushes for the last fifteen years of my life(excluding the first five...c'mon you people). And each one is a big fat result of my ignorance at its inception. I never even came to know when the phenomena started till my friends began pointing out my weird blushing syndromes at the very sight of such guys. Many people believe that a crush stays for about four months...and if it extends beyond that, then supposedly it's love and nothing short of it. I have had even those! And the failure to transform it too. Love is weird. The world makes you go all crazy and frustrated and you eventually end up thinking that it's of no real use. But in reality...whenever you or someone around you is in a relationship, you'll realise its not that hard(no pun intended) and your brain apparently has very little role to play in it. All you can do is see the person, think about him for a while, have a stereo-type pain in the chest and BANG!! You have fallen deeper than you can ever imagine. The problem is....how much to think?
I personally have a record of running after wrong men. I mean I could write a book on that. "Me and My Wrong Choices...Always!!!" But honestly I cannot help myself either. Whenever an incredibly charismatic-completely-fallacious-guy comes across me, I have to take a leap towards him and this has been more than just once or twice. However, apart from my consistent record, one thing that has always remained the same is the less than a nano second moment when I am dragged towards him. And in addition to that, whenever I am given an option to think about considering someone...it has fallen right on its face within a matter of few days. So you can say confidently...love happens without much thought and without the help of your grey matter. You can be a fool in loving someone 'cause if you're not...it's probably not love at all. Irony...isn't it? See, the thing is very simple. In today's times when a girl cannot get a bag...yes a bag of her choice and a guy...say...umm...what do guys want as much as we girls want bags and shoes..??? Well, if you're reading this and you are a guy...fill it with the thing you want the most. Okay. Now back to the topic, in today's times when a mere object is so scarce to find irrespective of online and offline sources...imagine how difficult it is to find the person of one's choice? And that's exactly the reason why too many people contemplate, calculate and then resolve before falling love and do not take the leap just the way it is meant to be.
"Who has the time? It's so messed up. How much can you really devote to all that crazy fucked up shit after work and other priorties?" A bro once said as casually as he sipped his third beer. To a certain extent he might be right and my sugar coated Mills and Boons-slash-Pretty Woman type words will not get much except for a highly exaggerated mouth fart from him.  Well he added a while later, "All those 'Dil Toh Pagal Hai-Madhuri Dixit' type stuff do not work sis...you have to do the entire job of realizing and more importantly recognising that person whom you can tolerate the longest. That's it." Disturbingly these words to some extent made sense to me! Maybe that's the way love is meant to be. The ability to tolerate that one person for your entire lifetime. Remember Priyanka Chopra's dialogue in "7 Khoon Maaf"??? "Every wife thinks of killing her husband at-least for once in her entire lifetime."Now that's a complete wow. With the arrival of smartphones we have a smart definition too. Our parents never thought that way but we do...wonder what the coming generation will bring. But one thing, still remained unclear to me....how much on a scale of 1 to 10 does one have to think before falling for the deepest dungeon in hell? And if one thinks way too much.... is it really worth going for?
Thus, started my quest for truth and I asked plenty of my friends cum cousins who came to answers like, "You do need to think....it happens simultaneously while you come to the realisation. Hence it's way safe if you ponder over it before you zero upon anyone", said an elderly married cousin. 
"No of course not. There is a fine line between acting and reacting. 'cause if you're reacting to someone then you might not love the person as much he/she deserves," concluded a friend with a hell lot of conviction. 
"On a scale of 1 to 10...I might say 4....see there'll be a little influence by my mind but a large part of it will be left on the unknown. Let's see what happens. We have to go for the mystery. And even if we do think, think and think, what are the chances that it'll succeed??? Doesn't arrange marriages fail? Parents did a lot of thinking behind those too, ain't it?" said a friendly neighbour. 
Thus, the majority I thought was inclined towards taking the plunge in the ocean with the conviction that the person is worth going for....but my question is....even to achieve that amount of conviction we do have to mull over for a bit don't we???
 I see relationships succeed(a minor percentage) and fail(a big fat chunk) right infront of my eyes all the time. We all do. And all these things influence us greatly. I believe that's the reason why many of us fail to gather the conviction needed in order to be in a relationship. We don't want break-ups...neither do we want monotony....and that is how we become pessimistic to the very idea of commitment. And even when we do go for it...it's after a hell lot of permutations and combinations....and not out of simple sheer affection and attraction. 
Love stories earlier were so simple...but today our equally important and challenging virtual lives has taken a toll on the very constitution. We are so afraid within ourselves that the very innocence of adoring another human being without expecting anything in return has somehwat diminished. We do not fall in love....we decide to. We do not simply accept a person....we measure his/her worthiness before doing that. It is even worse than the unprepared exams we give during our entire academic lives....It's pitiful. Yet, all of us do eventually find that person...and in the words of Klaus we are just unaware when and where. I guess....it's our basic human nature. We all manipulate our conscience till the day we meet the one! Yes. The one. The leben....blah blah blah....'cause when we do we don't reflect or brood much on it. We just go for it. It might not be love at first sight(something we'll discuss later) but it does become the love which is meant to be.
Honestly, how terrible are we! We humans play and get played for so many times...dodging and juggling amongst all those who crowd the field almost half our lives and stop right at the goal-post when we realize that's the point where we need to score. And for that we don't think. We don't second-guess. We just close our eyes. Give our best shot. . .Have the faith that we always wrapped tightly away somewhere far in our hearts. And hope it's a 10.

-Rini Ghosh. 

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