Does loneliness make you go for relationships?

Monday, March 17, 2014

We all have that one person in our minds who is simply or probably impossible to achieve. And if/till that happens, whose chances are less than winning a lottery we go through numerous affairs and flings. The question is...do the sheer number of dates happen only due to our need for companionship OR are we really ready for commitment? History has taught us how man has evolved as a social animal and how much he gradually showed his dependency on member of the same species for money, love, food and shelter. Well, you can't say that's wrong. We all enjoy solitude one-in-a-while but we hate to be lonely. We need to have a space for our own yet we want to get heard. The complex beings that we are...shall never be sure of want we exactly want! We want warmth in winter and cool air in summer. We always want things that we are deprived of. Ask anybody who's in a relationship or is married...they will advice you to do the opposite! But when you're asked to give an opinion on singlehood(when you actually are)....you'll agree that being with somebody wasn't that bad after all. What is it with men and women? What exactly makes us go all crazy? Are we desiring for relationships only to fill up the empty hollow space in our lives which we apparently wanted when we were committed before? Why do we need to be with someone only because we feel we are lonely? How difficult is it to survive without 'that' person, when we have our families? How truly lonely are we?
There's a saying that goes like this...,"At the end of the day we are all alone, and that is exactly why we need to come back to that person who'll belong to us no matter what!" And more importantly who will make us feel belonged too. A friend recently said, "Love makes us feel important atleast in the eyes of that one person who isn't related to us by blood. You become special completely as a result of someone else's choice......." It's ethereal. Indeed it is. Love is like a fairy tale, a 'Mills and Boon' novel, a beautiful song that plays on loop in your I-Pod, like your favorite blackforest cake, the sound of rain, the fragrance of jasmine and any-damn-thing full of mush. But the lovers are far from normalcy. And sadly, all the wonderful things mentioned above evidently mean nothing when you're alone at the cafeteria eating that cake or listening to the song or watching the rain. All of us need the presence of the special person who will make these little things cherish-able. And that's precisely how the machinery of love works. 
"There have been times when I wanted to go back to my Ex, just because I was lonely as fuck. School/College friends drifted apart and I was sad to miss all the movies, the hangouts, the long-drives, not to mention the sex! The little things like bad internet and low balance started to piss me off. Mushy gooey romantic movies and songs saddened me and I was hooked to my room doing almost nothing." A bro confessed. The little mushy things that you once loved will get to the top spot on your hate-list. What did you do then? I asked, to what he said, "I did the mistake of calling her again...had the relationship for 3 months. Then finally called it quits. It was becoming unbearable for us both." This bro however got married a year later and any distant mention of his name, here would mean a fatal result! Anyways, rekindling a relationship happens all the time and majorly due to desolation. The worst thing in a break up is the feeling of being abandoned. You're suddenly left all alone and it's just pathetic. And boom!!!! You get that hunch to pick up the phone that you once slammed down and dial the same number which you once deleted...just for the sake of butchering the horrible isolation and boredom to death. Relationships cause boredom and boredom causes relationships. Amazing!! It so much reminds me of the very popular chemistry definition we once knew, "All acids are not alkaline and blah..." (FYI, Don't you dare correct me if I'm wrong.) Back to topic, Yep that's true. Monogamy cause monotony yet the very same is required when the latter attacks our lives. "My last relationship reached a phase when we kept quiet almost half the time we were together...we knew we loved each other but there was nothing to talk. Was that the reason why we called it off? Did we drift apart?" asked a friend, I wondered what was the 'real' reason! Incidentally silence is not always golden and if conversations are the only thing lacking from your relationship, trust me, it's over. Nope, amazing sex does not count. So what are we ultimately supposed to do?
We are secluded if single...(even if you disagree at this moment remember all those New Year Eve's and Birthdays and Valentine's Days when you were alone).Well, being without a companion stinks and sometimes even after a very sucky relationship we all go back to the same 'wrong-for-us' person just to fill the godforsaken. Does that mean that 'loneliness' wins and we get defeated? I truly don't know. But it's bad. And painful. Remember how Chandler wanted to get hooked with Janice almost after every break up? We have all been through those phases and I am no exception. All I know is it's a pretty tough tug of war and "the feeling of being unwanted" is often the result for worst relationships ever. We all know those hackneyed efforts to bring that person back just to give ourselves the satisfaction that we are not alone rather than really be in love. It's demeaning. Not for us. But for them. And who knows...how many times we have been demeaned just because the person missed going to parties alone and didn't really miss us
Everytime I write something, I have this habit of concluding things. Give my opinion. Make that rhetorical...a little thought-sy(if there's any word) and end it on a positive note. Somehow. But today, I am not certain of how much I am capable to. The vast hollow black space that fills our heart with infinite sadness is tormenting and there's no relief till another person's solitude enlightens yours. I really believe the misapprehended race of us are so depended that it kills the very thought of being alone in our own company. We are so afraid to face ourselves...fight our demons...counter the innumerable sadness and failures that we need another person who will see everything and yet accept us for who we are. And frankly let us close those horrible doors too.
Life, is strange and in the end....it's fair. We don't know about the end. But we do not want to be alone and face it. In the words of a very popular song....
"On seeing you, I have learnt this sweetheart.
That love is crazy......
Now where shall I go from here?
Allow me to die in your arms....."
Now guess the Hindi song, dedicate it to someone, if not yourself and smile if this blog has made you gloomy.

Rini Ghosh.

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