Does good grammar turn you 'on'???

Thursday, January 16, 2014

"Avoid using the word 'very' because it's lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don't use the word 'very sad', use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys- to woo women-and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do."

Good looks, money, chemistry and compatibility are the basic things we look for in our partner till he/she starts speaking up. You know, the world is no more a primitive land where dating rules are limited to a couple ten or twenty. Today, even when you're in bed with someone you would want your partner to be exactly as good as you are or even better. There's no place for people beneath you! AND when it comes to language, be that any, it's the most significant criterion of all. The so-called 'chemistry' is 60% dependent on the way a person writes and talks. And ironically most of them fail miserably in the simplest set of words. Say in English, and I'm strictly not being Ross Geller here, but the inability to decipher between "your" and "you're" is a big turn-off. In school-days, when the availability of love-letters were as much as android phones are today, we girls always made it a point to laugh at the spelling and grammatical errors thus slashing promptly away the prospective lovers and friend-zoning them for eternity. 'A Gentleman should be excellent in the way he speaks', a friend of mine always says. Chivalry comes with education and both of them are closely associated with each other. Chauvinism at the same time comes from the lack of it.
 I once knew a guy in high-school who was one of the most handsome guys in our entire campus. And in a rendezvous with him at a school picnic...he displayed his excessively-supremely-disgustingly-awkward communicative skills and since then I displayed mine....you know, the typical 'staying away from him skills'. A guy friend of mine said with a hearty laugh, "Yeah you marry him...but ensure he doesn't speak for the rest of your life...." Back then although we laughed at others' mistakes, neither did I nor my immediate peer understood the importance that grammar attaches to social life and beyond. Suddenly 'affect' and 'effect' seems to have a big effect in our human minds. Suddenly, good-looks ceases to be the most important factor.
 Say for instance, you like a guy/girl and stalk that person effortlessly in Facebook, Whatsapp and every social site possible? What will be the only factor other than his/her looks? The only thing that'll make you certain whether to go forward or not, is the way he/she writes statuses and comments on others. If a person is a consistent member of the "Poor Grammar Institution" I'm afraid that you should just forget him/her.  And why wouldn't you? If dumping on such grounds is preposterous for you....honestly answer me, would you really like to hangout with such a person who is devoted to mistakes more than accuracy? Specially in front of the society who'll ridicule your choice ruthlessly and not the person involved? I know a couple of friends who are terrible in certain English words. And no matter how much I tried rectifying them 'Dear Dairy' never became 'Dear Diary' 'Went to collage' never became 'College'...etc etc...And I'm just talking about the easy ones....
 "Don't underestimate the seductive power of a decent vocabulary", I read somewhere on the net one day and in order to verify it's authenticity....I did a lot of reading about it and asking people stuff. My friends, well most of them agreed that with well spoken attitude comes good persona, ability to show respect, a certain-wicked charm and a surety of being great in sex! But it's also deceiving....see, a person can talk exceptionally well, but if you're a language freak like me then do give that person enough chances to write to you. And I mean big ones! That'll determine how awesome or pathetic that person is. Today when all kinds of electronic devices have replaced the old school pen and paper, and we get millions of choices to auto-correct the typos....does your lover still send you the crappiest version of your language that is worse than the Mohenjo daro scriptures?
 My cousin believes,"When I see poor grammar, abbreviations, internet-slang, I think this person really doesn't care about themselves enough to appear to be a literate English-speaking human being"
The next thought is, invariably, "I probably shouldn't care about them that much, either."
This is indeed why you need to put your best effort in use of vocabulary. I once used to talk with a guy who never wrote 'u' in place of 'you' even in messages. This ensured how careful he was while texting to me. Later on when I pointed him that...he admitted,"Well...I'm no scholar but I know what girls these days look for in a guy. I would never deliberately switch myself off in someone else's mind."  On the other hand, I also came across guys who made mistakes so bad that none of my efforts seemed to bother them in a good way. I think that's how gradually I became a Grammar-Nazi. I don't need a guy or a friend who'll quote Dante or Shakespeare in every second phrase but I do prioritize a guy who knows his language and can atleast construct sentences and phrases properly....one who can order a sumptuous meal at any restaurant, can talk effortlessly to strangers, is polite when communicating with elders and all that gooey-romantic stuff that any educated heart would want. But sadly, we are not the most common example of the species here in India....it's a shame and a world of awkwardness.(Where people aren't even sure of the number of s in awkwardness.... *sigh*)
"The way you speak says a lot about you. And unless you're typing really fast and misspell a word by mistake, it totally turns me off when someone can't spell -- that's something basic you should have learned in grammar school. As for punctuation I always overdo it so I can't complain about that." My best friend once complained. Sometimes, the stupidity quotient is so high that I feel there should be some legal actions taken against those who kill a language, in my case English. 
You'll find it's example in your very school or college. There are people who are good at it and there are the ones who are savaging every part of it. The only justice apart from their horrendous results is the lack of any worthy partner in their later lives. It is indeed true that a person who's less capable of writing and speaking correctly ends up with a trashy equivalent. Being bad in English or the language that dominates your life is the worst kind of faux pas that one could ever come across. My extremely friendly English tutor once said, "It's very obvious dear...who wants to date a moron? Will his poor antics turn you on or put you totally off???" Today I realize in what sense he referred to the on and off thing. Apart from the physical ecstasy that we get from intimacy.....our brains try to get mind orgasm as it tends to feed on the communicative skills of others...the way we talk is a direct representation of the way we want to be talked with and if by any chance that criteria is not met then our brain simply goes to hibernate. "Slang and abbreviations are okay but to be misspell words left and right like you don't even care or just have no education is a turnoff. I use slang and abbreviate all the time but I know how to spell." a friend once said who was tired of her boyfriend's poorly constructed messages that took hours to comprehend. I admit even I went through such phases, in fact we all do. Sometimes we are accused and sometimes we accuse. But the real achievement lies in the transformation from the former to the latter.
If a man is really serious about the way he would like to present himself in front of others, he would take the initiative to change himself. Hell, if Dev is capable of pulling it off....even you can! (Please refer to his latest flick "Chander Pahar") But the problem lies in the lack of effort and energy to do so. Specially in India. I really cannot comment on America even if they are accused of speaking third grade English certainly 'cause I haven't been there. But the worst scenario is definitely in India where English is still a big deal and a majority among-st us are way too bad at it. The minor few are the most attractive ones be it your class or office and they are the ones who are chased the most. I hate to admit that this is why....the entire balance of relationship falls flat. The ratio is so gross that the minor section in the society who are good in grammar become so choosy and arrogant that it makes dating world such an unhappy place. It's depressing actually. It really is. I mean by the time we wear our Graduation Caps we dont even remember what a mitochondria is but still we carry on a bit of literacy in us, don't we? So how come we leave all those treacherous hours of learning languages behind? Isn't it unfair? Just like the world of relationships and dating? Or maybe we ourselves are responsible for our self-deprecating nature? 
Honestly, Love is not enough. Although it is vital. But good communication skills is like diesel to a car.It helps the relationship to run and survive. Without it...the car will die and will end up in a scrap pile. And being a girl I can say with pride that women are better at it and that is the reason why they seek such a factor in a man. Communication problems are a major source for relationship problems. People in most cases just do not know how to talk to each other. And that's when the problem begins. Today I feel my blog has been a little preachy but trust me, you can stay shut for three hours on a date.....but life's a bitch and if you're bad in grammar it will pound and trash your heart like you do....with your language.
Rini Ghosh.




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