Compatibility. How far does it stretch its power?

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

It has been more than a week and I simply couldn't come up with anything! Several topics crossed my mind yet none of them stayed with me long enough to be written in the blog. Thus I diligently watched 'Modern Family' and 'Carrie Bradshaw' (and her sex-life in the city) wasting away my time and somehow looking for something to be talked about almost everywhere. However, about six days ago, a guy friend of mine was describing his relationships, or the lack of it with girls when I came across the very common yet not very explored word, "Compatibility"!!! This was thus, the new topic to be crowned in my blog. But whenever I attempted to write about it, I was stopped short by a hell lot of questions that came terrorizing my way interrupting anything and everything that came to my mind.
A very well known dictionary defines ‘Compatibility’ as the capability of existing or living together in harmony. How much harmony eventually stays between the a mystery! The word, however, always seemed to give a hell lot of assurance to everybody whether or not in relation, giving them an array of dreams about their probable partners and the ‘apparent’ compatibility with them. In the generation of Barney Stinsons and Lady Gagas where the competition is tough and the options are to die for! One thing becomes quite questionable to much exactly does this word exercise it’s power and how bad is its effect on all of us? Initially I thought compatibility is nothing but a word that pleases the ones in a relationship as outsiders create the myth around them. If you love someone, you don't judge or talk about your compatibility (at-least not aloud, even though it stays in your mind perhaps all the time) with him/her and keep the door open for others to decide and give grades. That’s where this word operates. Whether it’s as virtual as a facebook app or some real Love-O-Meter in a Country Fair, you are just like a china doll in the shop along with your partner and the world is your jury, dictating the horror!!! But who the hell  are they to decide, you may wonder...not knowing that you are part of the very game too judging, criticizing and castigating others just as they do to you. Ranbir Kapoor looks way better with Deepika Padukone than Katrina Kaif, a girlfriend of mine once said, carelessly  drawing and concluding the lines of compatibility that the Kapoor shares with either of the two ladies. But why on earth are we so focused about others? Whether they are celebrity or our cranky neighbors we measure each and every couple on a certain scale and somehow go to the extent of demeaning them. I suppose that’s where this word gets all its energy and an illegal right to make or break two people and what they share. More often than not, break it!

"It's a damn important stuff to a relationship. Compatibility gives a couple enough confidence to stick to each other! It's not as abstract as love is. I guess its the only science involved, apart from sex of course.", laughed a cousin when I asked her about it.
 But my question is, if compatibility is the so-called ability to exist in a relationship then why is it left for others to decide? Why cant we do that for ourselves? Aren't we leaving a very important stuff to the world? It's almost like giving somebody your bank's account number.(they may not know your password, but the account number is its equally important other half which remains out in front.) If there are ten aspects of love, then compatibility as mysterious as it sounds should feature in the top 5 affecting everything including Sex. How? Well, the thing is if a person is compatible with another, in general, it doesn't mean that the two would be the same in bed. When asked to a friend he replied, "Of course that's true! She's great in bed but that doesn't mean I have to see her all the time. Apart from sex, well she sucks. My mind doesn't get what my body does from her!!!" What the fuck. Yep, that was my reaction. Is compatibility this much strong that it differentiates a person to such a great extent??? And is it possible that people cheat because of it? An apparent answer to Polygamy maybe. Or is it logically viable that a person can be blessed with it completely or cursed with its total absence? A vicious circle, isn't it?
If you search Google, you will get plenty of online Love Meters and Astrology Stuff that checks and deduces you and your partner instantly. Had the word not bothered me about it's sex part, I would have been seriously less worried. But trust me, it is, and no amount of planets and stars would help you out on that. The internet says, there's no fixed definition of sexual compatibility yet its existence is one of the most significant factors in a relationship. If you're in love with someone and you're planning to marry him/her are you supposed to test drive him before you're married or keep the sex-stuff away till you exchange the rings? A very popular women's magazine says, it's better that we go with the former 'cause if there's tension between the two(and not in a good way) then you guys may not be 'made' for each other!!!Maybe in heaven, but certainly not in bed. Thus, goes away the popular belief, at least in Indian society, to keep your body scarce from the spouse before wedding. So what are we supposed to do? Love the person who loves us back or the one who is fabulously great in bed? Is there always a choice involved? And if we can categorize people, that means we fall into some too!
Sadly, that's not the end to it....the compatibility factor decreases with time and as soon as a conjugal pattern develops between the two,the entire relationship starts going downhill. And when a couple with almost-perfect compatibility(considering the best scenario) eventually lose their sexual charm, all they are left with is their ability to exist with each other in harmony with the residual components of the word concerned, keeping their homogeneity alive. Is compatibility just a term made for the young? How do middle/old age couples survive? Thus, the word 'compatibilityin-spite of all its evilness exercises quite a bit of control that benefits all of us. Perhaps the gradual fading of the 'unity' marks the advent of mid-life crisis when extra-marital affairs are highly probable and the few ones that survive supposedly wins the real compatibility test. A test meant for life! 
Rini Ghosh.

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